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Passenger Safety Briefing
Propellers: Please stay away from the airplane propeller. It is unlikely that a prop will start suddenly, but if it does Murphy’s Law suggests you will be in the way. When a moving propeller contacts a passenger, it makes a big mess. This leads to flight delays and higher insurance rates, please be careful.
Seatbelts: You need to keep your seatbelts snugly fastened at all times. This should not be a problem, most of the flight you will be scared spitless from the turbulence anyway.
Emergency Exit: I will show you how the door latching mechanism works. While it is rare, it is possible an airplane under my command could crash. If that were to happen and you needed to exit the airplane in a hurry, you will probably not remember how the door works anyway.
Flight Controls: Please don’t touch the controls until I specifically tell you it’s OK. You’ll have plenty of time to try your hand at flying, but it is only after I specifically say so or when I fall asleep. Usually I’ll wait until the other passengers are just getting comfortable and then I’ll announce that a non-pilot will be taking the controls and attempting to make his/her first landing.
Flight Ops: Since I can’t afford a bigger airp0lane, you might be sitting in the co-pilot’s seat. This helps fool the other passengers into thinking they are safe if I have a heart attack. As a female passenger, you may experience the pilot “feeling around”. This is because the throttle is close to your left thigh and the cowl flap lever is located near your left knee. The pilot is somewhat visually impaired and must feel around for the controls, if you are touched or groped it purely accidental.
Headsets: You will be given a headset to wear during the flight. It will be old and beat up and you will be lucky if it even works. Please wear it at all times. Passenger headsets completely obliterate in-flight complaints and can dampen your screams during emergencies. This makes the flight a lot less stressful for the pilot.
Don’t Panic: No matter what happens, don’t panic without my permission. Fear is contagious and if you’re scared, I’ll get really freaked out. There are very few things that can go wrong with this airplane. But when things do go wrong, there isn’t much chance of survival anyway; screaming will only reduce the time left for praying.
Bumps In The Air: Don’t worry if the air feels “bumpy”. Most likely it is just some rising and descending air currents from cumulonimbus clouds. You will probably find some of the sensations intense, shocking and frightening, which is normal. Usually lightweight airplanes like this don’t break unless they are flown too fast and the wings fall off. I will do my best to keep that from happening.
If You Feel Sick: If at any point you feel sick or nauseous, please let me know so I can make sure you puke in the right direction. We do have a supply of airsick bags located in the pockets around the airplane, but people usually don’t have time to grab them. Your hat, your handbag or even your shoes will work in an emergency. Your pilot is very sympathetic and if you get sick all over the place, your pilot will probably join in but then nobody will be flying the airplane.
Using The Bathroom: This airplane is not equipped with a bathroom. I do have a supply of rubber bands for the boys and corks for the girls. If these devices are not satisfactory, I also carry a “Travel-John”. Be aware that by the time you get through using the Travel-John, you will have no modesty left, you will probably be messy (unless your aim is exceptionally good) but you will have provided in-flight entertainment for the pilot and other passengers.
If You Have Any Questions: If you have questions about anything, by all means feel free to ask. However, if I’m busy flying the airplane, listening to the radio or twisting dials, don’t expect an answer. I really can’t concentrate on flying and answering dumb questions at the same time.
When The Engine Stops: Don’t be overly alarmed when you hear the engine get quiet. This usually happens when we are on final approach to land and I idle back to the point the engine just quits. You may have heard how reliable airplanes engines are. The truth is that they use 1950’s technology and sometimes just quit for no reason or when I forget to switch the fuel tanks. One never knows how long an engine will last.
Traffic Avoidance: Most likely you did not pay anything for this flight since the FAA regulations only allow properly trained and certified pilots to be compensated. The old cliché, “you get what you pay for” hold true for aviation as well. With that in mind, you are responsible for making sure we don’t fly into another airplane. Your job is to keep a sharp lookout while I focus most of my attention on my GPS or sending text messages. I am not a professional pilot and you knew that when you boarded my airplane. -
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Sehr lustig ;-) Hab ich direkt mal kopiert :-)
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